You're my little dorito
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
