I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
