My cat gives me a boner
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
