sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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