Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
