I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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