I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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