Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
