I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
