clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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