idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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