forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
