Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
