This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
