I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
