when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
