I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
