You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
