I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
