My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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