You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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