Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Someone signed my nipple.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
