I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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