if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
how does that bad decision feel?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
