I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
