Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
