Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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