i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
