saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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