Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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