just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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