My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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