ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
