so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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