Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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