I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i may or may not be watching the land before time
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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