If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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