No, you can still breathe under the balls.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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