I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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