Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?

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(678): View more from Georgia

Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.

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(520): View more from Arizona

He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?

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(408): View more from California

You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt

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(214): View more from Texas

I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.

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(541): View more from Oregon

When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.

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(305): View more from Florida

God, I missed his penis.

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