this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
