census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
