her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
