The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
