what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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