I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
