I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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