you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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