Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
