Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
